Enslaved by Mark Angelo

Enslaved by Mark Angelo

Monday, November 30, 2015

The Loses

Opening my eyes after the aftermath is pretty difficult to say the least. The voices of I told you so come to mind, the pictures in my mind from all the events that lead to the big decision and reactions of those around me, "I am transitioning", "I was born in the wrong body" words that I pounded on those I love.

I see now how crazy it was, I see myself in the faces of the youth, I was so sure of my decision and so on board with the trans narrative that is devastating the lives of many. What is actually wrong with us, what would possess us to do such atrocities and justify them as right? What will it take to make people wake up from this nightmare they claim to be a life saver and dream?  The claims that people are happier, in a better mental place than ever before is only based on the sugar pill approach, for it is so apparent that after the novelty wears off, there issues are still there and the need for more is evident. Surgery after surgery, irresponsible behavior after behavior, the lack of self esteem returns, why are people not being truthful?

The denial that no matter what they do to themselves they will never achieve the ultimate goal of being the opposite sex. They are being lied to and lead by a system that only cares about profit, telling a male bodied individual that they can look like a woman. Unless you are born with androgynous features, small boned, small hands and feet and facial features that will provide you with that feminine look, no matter what you do, you will always be clocked, those are just the facts.

Realize that if your happiness depends on the validation of others, you will never be happy. If your life is based on looks, then you will be heading on a very disappointing ride. You are aging, the aging of a man cannot be hidden with cosmetics or hormones, you will at best look like a freak, just look at the older trans role models and see what they look like. Lynn Conway, Rene Richards, Sylvia Rivera, Lana Lawless and many more who have not grown old gracefully nor healthily due to the lifestyle, stress from surgical procedures and lets us not forget synthetic hormones.  This agenda is based on sex and looks, on fetishes and self gratification wrapped in one big ball of mental issues that everyone is missing. Men cannot be women, science has fortified you an illusion that will come tubmling down as you grow older and all the complications that come with this madness. 

The selling point of this agenda is what about the suicide rates? Well what about them, suicide is a mental condition that needs to be taken care of, people don't always get what they want. When people claim to want to take their life because they can't get what they want, that is just wrong and plainly narcissistic. There are too many loses in this endeavor and those responsible for allowing humans to undergo this, should be held accountable. Let us return to our sanity for the trans agenda is full of loses and pain that never, ever goes away.

Sunday, November 29, 2015

Living Life After Detransitioning :The Early Stages

At Work as an Occupational Therapist 1996

It has been two weeks since I have fully detransitioned and feel, well, fantastic. I am fully embracing my truth, and disregarding the untruth that lead my life for the past 13 years. There are lots of logistics to work through, like changing all my documents and return to my rightful birth name Maritza, but all in due time. Right now I am focusing on cleaning out every testosterone traces from my body. I will need laser or electrolysis for my face and body and I will also be needing a hair transplant to regain my beautiful hair back. How long this will this take? I don't know, but those are goals that I have set up for myself. I feel strong and even more empowered than I have ever before. I feel healthy as of now, but it has only been a few weeks since I am hormone free. I have no ovaries so I might need estrogen, but I will play that by ear and see how my body responds, after all there are many women who at my age (51) and who do not take any HRT at all, do just fine.

I am going to recreate myself, and feel free in my body and mind. Not being what everyone else wants me to be. If I would have followed that formula before, I would not have gotten myself into this mess in the first place.  Feeling free with being me is of the most importance as well as my health. I find that being on hormones is like playing Russian Roulette, it is only a matter of time when that bullet is in the chamber and goes right through your head. So, from now on I will fight for authenticity and truth. Helping people realize what being true really is, not some made up version of who they think they should be.

Live life to the fullest, be kind to everyone around you, don't keep any secrets, take good care of yourselves and most of all, Love, love unconditionally and that means yourself as you are.

2 weeks Detransition

Saturday, November 28, 2015

Turning The Pages: Welcome Back

Just as the moment of death when your life flashes before you, I feel that's where I am at, at this moment in time.  I transitioned in 2003, had quite the journey and paved my path, yet,  In the end, I found out that what I did solved absolutely nothing. I am no more a man today than I was Dec 23 2003 when I underwent a 7 hour procedure that consisted of a double mastectomy, laparoscopy induced radical hysterectomy and oophorectomy. I mutilated myself as many do in the quest of "changing" their sex.  Now I look back and think "what was I thinking"?    I became bald, hairy, scared and maimed, but a man, I am not. I know many in the trans community think they can magically change who they are by undergoing these procedures and taking dangerous hormones, but if they closely examined this, they would soon find out, that they are wrong.  How many women under go radical hysterectomies and mastectomy's due to cancer or other health issues? They are still women, not men. How many genetically born females have excess androgen and suffer from all sorts of  hormonal imbalances, having a deeper voice, hair in places they don't want, and lose the hair on their heads, many. Yet, they are still women.

My siblings and I

How many men are born with an extreme feminine personalities, love everything nice and pink, yet, are men. Yes that's right folks, this latest notion that we can change our bodies to become something else, does not make us that something else we wish to be.  We are only making fools of ourselves and the medical community lots of money. Save your money, and spend your time helping others, get out of your head and self for a minute, and realize that your gender dysphoria is not the most important thing in this world.

Mom and I

Now, lets talk a little bit about my de transitioning and this blog. I hope to be able to bring some awareness to this matter, and dive deep, deeper than most have ever cared to dive into. I did what I did back in 2003, because I believed that this fantasy was possible. But when the years passed, I realize that this was just another impulse driven by my need to belong and feel "normal"  Boy was I wrong, I have felt less normal since my transition and there was never a day, I didtn think of myself as an imposter, and oh yes a freak. I would look in the mirror and see the scars and my excessively hair body and bald head, and at times I just wanted to scream. I,  being Maritza, the real person in this body, who had to step aside for this destructive individual who ruined everything Maritza worked so hard to build. You think you are being true to yourself, but like an episode or a scene from invasion of the body snatcher, your new creation is slowly destroying everything you ever where, created or loved.

So now its time to turn the page, and start a new chapter, or maybe even a book. Maritza is back and will no longer allow this fabrication called Mark to continue to ruin her life. So I say to you old friend, I know you meant well, and in a sense was created to protect Maritza from all the bad things men have done in her life. I know your heart was in the right place, but I am sorry to say, your time is up, and you can now leave us alone and in peace. Your destruction will forever leave scars in our lives, but the time for healing is now. So goodbye Mark and welcome back Maritza, you have a life ahead of you and lots of healing to do.

Dad and I

Friday, November 27, 2015

Breaking Down Gender Dysphoria

So what is this condition that all of a sudden has swept our world? Why all of a sudden are our youth, children and middle aged adults claiming to be born in the wrong body? What an interesting concept and illusion. A person who has raised children, lived happily married and showed no signs of femininity is claiming to be a woman? They claim to have felt this way from a very young age, yet no one had a clue? Now I have been called a conspiracy nut for claiming many strange happenings in our world since my awakening back in 2008, I won't get into all my beliefs on this blog entry today, but lets just say I don't believe our history, the stories we have been told about our creator, and that we are just born to then die and be a slave to this system, there has to be more than meets the eye. My beliefs are deep and out of this world, and I believe that this whole Trans agenda has not just happened out of coincidence.

As I wrote on my blog entry yesterday, many men are being de masculinized and are claiming to be the opposite sex, women are wanting to be men and everyone is quite confused. Don't get me wrong, there have been two spirited people through out history and many people have chosen to express themselves freely through out life, but this whole medicalization of gender, has gone way too far.

So what is Gender Dysphoria or should I say Gender Identity Disorder, notice that the movement created the change from a mental issue to more of a biological etiology, wonder why? Lets break down this massive cluster one piece at a time. A person claims to have a different body then that what their brain identifies. That is impossible, brain and body are the same, brains are not gendered but created through our experiences and stimulations. There is no such thing as a male liver or heart, you get the picture. Society has pushed a feminization of men and have really taken away a true right of passage to adult hood and now we have what we clearly see today. You guessed it, a human that is not capable of fending for itself, dependent on the system and unable to think for themselves. Men don't have the actual gusto they had in the past to change or revolt, and women have had to step up to the plate. Now I am not saying anything derogatory here, so please lets not make it into a political fight about men vs women and so on. Its just a simple observation of the facts of life.  I believe men and women are equal or should be, and everything does not rely on gender or roles. Humans have a variety of personality, and the system has created sheep and now are herding them into their pen.

The fear of being rejected for being true to yourself creates falsehood, hence the world we live in, everyone wants to be someone or something else.  All these individuals that pay droves of money to change their face, their genitals and total appearance to be something they are not and never will be are in need of real help; sex is not negotiable or changeable. Why can't they be brave enough to be a man who is feminine and eclectic, instead of claiming to be born in the wrong body and now a female or visa versa. Our world has created neurotic individuals who will do anything to escape reality. How can anyone fear their gender or dislike who they were born as? That is ridiculous and frankly beyond belief.  The truth is we live in a world that loves fair tales, science fiction and magic tricks. Gender Dysphoria is nothing more than an excuse to escape who you are, to follow through with all your body dysmorphia needs and basically disfigure who you once where. Let us not feed into this new fad and craze and let us be true to ourselves, because if we keep this up, force sterilization of our youth will bring an outcome that those on top of the pyramid want, population control.


Thursday, November 26, 2015

The Pain: A Day Of Giving Thanks

Having been around, dated and lived with many transgender females in the past, it has provided me a with information that many are not privy to. Many of these so called Male to Trans are dealing with deep rooted issues that stem from lack of self worth, anger and frustration. They failed as men, fathers, husbands and in many other aspects of life. They had poor to no relationships with their fathers, some never got to meet them, and  now feel as if they cannot fulfill the role of manhood in life since they never were taught how.

The "dream" of being a woman is deep for many, its as if they wish they could run away from reality and their responsibility while "becoming" the other sex, thinking this will solve all their problems, but in reality, the problems only worsens and now they have to face the catastrophe they created and left behind.  The same pattern is seen in Female to Trans, with of coarse changing the roles and gender.

There is lots of pain in this community, pain that is not being addressed properly, instead some pseudo treatment that only creates bigger issues and enhances the problems in the end. On a day like today, there are many hurt trans identified individuals who miss being home with their families and friends, and may even be feeling regret. They are in so much pain they can't even appreciate who and what they have around them. So my question is, was it worth it? Changing your gender marker can lead to bigger problems you ever anticipated, please think it through, because not only are you hurting yourself, you are also creating a title wave of hurt with every move you make.

I want to take this time to wish everyone a peaceful, love filled Day of Thanks, remember how many died for you to sit with your family today, how many gave up their land and home.  Let us be grateful for what and who we have in our lives today, cause tomorrow, you never know what brings.

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Transsexualism Is An Addiction

When we step out of the normal balance of life there are many things that happen. One of these things is called imbalance, the typical state of disease. The world we live in is filled with synthetics, the behavior we engage in is unnatural and the things we do and crave are very abnormal. With in this abnormality there are things that have become common and seen as normal. The side effects of our behavior create addictions, which leads to more addiction, then shame, then more addiction, it is quite the vicious cycle.

Addiction comes in many forms and there are genetic factor behind it, it never really leaves you, it just takes on different forms.  I have always had a an addictive personality, my father has it, and I believe my grandfather did too.  Lets say that I have lived my life chasing happiness, getting myself in all sorts of trouble but have had the sense to stop doing things that were dangerous to my health, that is, once I saw that I was in danger. One of the my addictions was the obsession with loosing weight and looking good, this got me into bodybuilding, which lead me to the use of ergogenics that spiraled into another addiction called transsexualism.

The worse kind of addictions are the kind you allow to take over your life, the ones that destroys everything in its path, the one that makes you love it, more than you. You know, the addiction that will get you to steal, lie, and leave everything behind, including putting your health in jeopardy. Yes, that pretty much sums up what transgenderism does to you, if you don't believe me, just read through the countless Face Book pages, they all have the same narratives, from those who are caught in this addictions grip. Nothing matters, but becoming that gender you think you are.  Selfie after selfies, procedures after procedure, broken hearts and loss after loss, with the outcome being emptiness, depression and further suicide, for once the addict finds out that their delusion is nothing more than a pipe dream, reality sets in and devastation takes over.

Take a look at the very similar behaviors of individuals in the trans community. They all have the same things in common, body image issues, obsessive nature, anxiety, anger, lack of coping and social skills and not to mention being able to deal with reality.  Even after transitioning these characteristic follow them, with a few reprieve in behavior, only to return. The only way to fight these demons, is to face them, to realize that there is nothing wrong with your body, that it is your need to belong, and in the quest of belonging you do whatever it takes to get there. The obsession with changing gender takes center stage and like a run away train, you will not stop till the train crashes, taking with you hostages that did not sign up for the ride.

Only an addict believes that their drug of choice is good for them and will make them happy, they defend it and honor it, for it is their delusion, that transitioning is what is right for them and makes them happy. It doesnt matter that there is no actual objective reasoning for their plight, only living out a fantasy which they hold on to for dear life.

As an addict to another, please realize that this time, this addiction has taken you way too far. It is not worth losing it all, because in the end biology is none negotiable and all you have done is destroyed a wonderful human being, who is loved and missed by those you left behind.

Hello my name is Maritza Cummings, and I am a recovering transgender addict.

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Looking Back

The way to learn from our mistakes and heal is to analyze our life and the path we have chosen. Many people might want to call it regret, I like to call it growth. Sometimes we think one way in a certain stage of our lives, and then we find our views change as we grow older and wiser. I have made tons of mistakes in my life time, too many to mention, but one thing I do know is those mistakes help shape the person I am today. So no need crying over spilled milk or regretting a thing, I will just wipe my knees and move on.

I know now that I allowed fear to lead my life in so many ways, I also allowed the lack of self love to shape my world and life. I no longer feel I was born in the wrong body, what a crazy notion that was. I can say that decision was not sane, and if I would have had the proper therapies, as many are not getting, I would have never undergone such a drastic move.  You tell a therapist what they are trained to hear, and you get a letter, hormones, and surgery, its that easy, and that is just wrong. 

Mutilation of healthy breasts

I had body dysmorphic disorder, self esteem issues, I was sexually abused from a young age, and bad experiences with men, all which leads us into a path that is, well lets say, absurd. Now I don't want to speak for every, I am learning that this disclaimer is need to prevent the mob from attacking, but I do want to say that it is important to really do soul searching and get as much help as you can before you embark on the trans disaster train. We are seeing way too many young people buying this trans agenda and ruining their lives. 

Any how, I am excited for what lies ahead, it's not going to be easy, but I know that it's what I must do to make things right with myself. I look in the mirror now, comparing the pictures of my youth when I had not messed with myself.  I can't help but feel sadness and shame. But I do hope that my journey will help others, that way I won't feel like my life has been such a waste. 

I want to take this time to thank all of my sisters out there, who are being supportive of me. I want to thank Lynna, whom I know my decision has been hard to  deal with, but this is who I am, and I can't no longer continue to live a lie. How ironic is that not what most people say, when they transition?