Monday, January 29, 2007

Made by Nature: Understanding Gender Dysphoria

After dealing with a bad experience as per my last blog entry. I decided, that I will bring the message to the world my self. I will be the producer and director of the film that will help change the worlds views on transsexuals. For now here is short version of what I want to get across.

I want the world to look at us with different eyes, eyes of compassion and understanding.

Please note this is the newer version, since the other had some spelling mistakes.

Thank you

Mark Angelo Cummings
Trans Man on a Mission

Sunday, January 28, 2007

double crossed by film crew and transwoman

Addendum 2/1/07:After the husband and wife team spoke amongst themselves, after receiving a call from the husband yesterday. He told me they would speak and come to me with a fair resolution. I had offered to buy the footage at a fair price. Their final verdict was this: They would provide me with certain footage, not including the B role for $10,000. Right, that was real fair. I not only found the interviewee's for them, but I was also their working side by side with her
( Director ) helping direct, and asking the questions I drew up. My wife, also with another camera to get a second angle, was involved in the shooting as well. Now, they feel that it is fair to have me buy the film for that price? No thanks, that is no deal or a fair arrangement. I will have to see what my options are since 40% of the film and profits belong to me.

Latest information regarding the documentary. I spoke with Edgar, the executive producer, we are going to come to some form of an agreement. Something that will hopefuly be fair for both parties. Will keep you posted. Negotiations are in progress.......

I must share this information with the world. I have been working on a documentary since February last year. First, I started with two individuals who work for America TV, one a camera man, the other a producer. They did not have the time, nor the money to proceed with the project, therefore, they handed over the material filmed, so I could go on with the project. I was contacted by a husband and wife team who have a small company called Spiral Media.

The two are here on a work Visa from Mexico and appeared to be trust worthy and good people. They were entering a competition on Current TV called Tolerance. I agreed to partake and be the subject for their short film which we named Nature’s choice. Never receiving a dime or compensation. I was impressed with their work, and decided to talk to them about working together on my documentary which would be called when nature fails, a struggle for gender identity. They seemed eager and excited. We proceeded on the venture. I was to rally up as many individuals that we could get to interview. Since I am well known in the trans community, it wouldn’t be a problem. I also, educated them with all the research I had done on the subject, and so they can see my vision and proceed with the film, on the same page as I.

We managed to get a good amount of interviewees, and I even put together a trip to Indianapolis where we would meet with a group I belonged too called Trans Youth Family Advocates.

I had spoken to the president of the group a Transsexual female and some of the members who were mothers of trans kids. They had verbally agreed to partake in my documentary. I paid for the trip, since the husband and wife team had no money for the production expenses, I agreed to front the money, and at the end of the product, I would get my money back. I had a bad feeling about things, and my trust of the couple was never fully there. They would constantly argue and disagree on things, it was a very stressful scenario. We finally drew up a contract, after much disagreement with the final out come. I first offered them 50% of the profit the film would make, they refused, but finally we came to the conclusion of 40%/60%. 60% to their behalf, they figure they were the film maker and had a camera and some lights.

In my eagerness to finally realize my dream and documentary, I had to settle for many things, including getting bossed around by the two. One thing that really threw me for a loop was what happened next. We never got release forms signed from the TYFA Group, thinking, there would not be a problem. They voluntarily went on camera, so I figured, why go through all the red tape. Well this was a big mistake. When Raquel De Antonio the wife of the film team, Spiral Media returned home, her husband Edgar, was enraged of us not getting signed releases. So I had to contact the group and asked them to please sign the forms as per Raquel’s husband. The release form was very invasive and threatening. Well wouldn’t you know, the TYFA group were not returning my emails. Raquel then decided to take matters into her own hands, and behind my back, she contacted the president of the group. Telling her how wonderful her interview was and asking her for the signed release. I received a carbon copy of the email from the president of TYFA, which is how I found out that Raquel went behind my back. I was upset, and smelled foul play. Long story short. The TYFA leader, now acting funny, and wanting to control the documentaries name, and context, started to give me a hard time. She explained that she did not agree with my concepts, and did not want to be associated with the docomentary and jeoperdize her new founded group TYFA. My format and outline for the documentary is to show that Transsexuality is a birth defect, therefore, the name when nature fails is appropriate to my believes. Also, I having a gripe with the religious extremists I wanted to include some of that by interviewing religious extremist on the film. Wouldn’t you know that the president of TYFA disagrees with the name and theory, and now is demanding to know what the documentary will entail and now wanted to discuss possible changes. She let me know she did not want her image on a documentary which she did not agree with. This back and forth went on for quite a while, but in the meantime the only signatures I received was from one of the mothers.

I had to go on vacation, so I was going to be gone for one week. I attempted one more email to the remaining mothers and the president of the group. Informing them that it was imperative they returned these release forms as soon as possible, that Edgar was planning on making a trailer and needed the forms to do so. But to no avail, still no signed release forms. Mind you these individuals would email me 2 or 3 times a day prior to the interviews and documentary ordeal. So now I am worried, hurt and puzzled as to why they are not communicating with me? Mean while, Edgar is fuming, and upset. Starts to ask me, the people in the group don’t like you do they? I answered, I think the leader has issues with me, maybe envy, and wanting to control the film. As she is a transsexual woman, who is trying to get her new founded group off the ground. Is in the music industry, she even asked Raquel if she could help with the sound track. All along ignoring the fact that I am the associate producer and part owner of the film. She had problems with that from the begining.

When I returned from the trip, I had a message on my answering machine from Raquel. Mark, do not contact anyone any more, leave it up to Edgar and I. I smelled a rat. I received another carbon copy of an email that was sent to Raquel from the president of TYFA. It was as if, she wanted me to know that she was doing business with Raquel, whether I wanted it or not. In this email it stated that she would be glad to work with them, and trusted their artistic views. Telling them that they as film makers could make a great film based on gender variant children. Now mind you, talk about back stabbing, and now having reasons to not trust the two. Later that evening I received a call from Edgar stating, "do not tell the president of the group of our contract and that you have anything to do with this film", just say you are helping us, that’s all. First, I felt why should I say this, and what is up your sleeves? I could not stay quite, first of all, the president of the group had informed me via email, that she did not agree with my vision and did not want to be part of the documentary. Now she changes her mind, because Edgar and Raquel lied to her about our contract. Well, I contacted her and confronted her about it. Wouldn’t you know I get a call from Edgar saying, you are no longer part of this project, we are ending our agreement, I told you not to talk to anyone. Well, first of all, I told him, we have a contract buddy, you do not tell me what to say. You are lying, and doing things behind my back. He proceeds to yell at me and call me names and tell me I am not a professional. That I screwed up the interviews, and turned everyone against me. I begged him to stop, and to please not lose focus on our project. We can always find other people to interview. He continued to rant and said I will not give you 40% of the profit, I will only give you 10%, max 15%. Now, I know for sure, I have been doubled crossed, he is probably offering the President of TYFA a cut. I have been double crossed, by the group and the film crew. I am planning on taking them to court, for I have spent too much time, energy and money on this project to watch it fall apart.

I had to share this with the world. Because I am hurt, I now have major trust issues. Here I am trying to do good for humanity, wanting to help this group take off the ground thinking they were my friends. The film makers, I never really trusted from word go, that is why I had the contract made up. But the mothers, and the president of the group I thought were my friends. I wanted to include them in this documentary which my hopes were to help open hearts and minds, to bring the message of unconditional love to the world. To educate people on transsexual issues. But wouldn’t you know it, even your own kind turn against you.

Goes to show you, can’t trust anyone, especially when you are dealing with money and films. All I want now is all the footage that has been taken. It is all my research and ideas on film. I drew up the questions and scenarios, I want justice served. It is wrong what they have done to me. The media often takes advantage of Transsexuals, wanting our stories and using us to get ratings. Film makers want to be discovered using our stories, but wanting not to properly compensate us for our work and efforts. We must stop this and send a message to the world. Our own brothers and sisters are back stabbing each other for their own convenience and purpose. This needs to stop. Please help me send a message to these individuals, that they will no longer get away with doing things like that.

Mark Angelo Cummings
Trans man on a mission.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Angry Transsexual?

I am often told I appear and sound angry. The fact I am Cuban, born in the wrong body, and have been told that I will burn in hell for my actions from a very young age, may or may not attribute to these feelings.. But what I don’t get is, why is it so wrong to express one’s emotions? From the moment we are born we are told not to cry, wine or express any or all emotions that are part of who we are. It’s just dead wrong,. Boys are not suppose to cry, girls need to act proper. For crying out loud, we can’t even express how we feel toward our government or religious institutions, without being considered a problem or dangerous. Well yeah, I get it, it’s a double standard. If you play nice with people and tell them what they want to hear, everything is okay. But as soon as you express your inner feelings, then you have a problem, right?

May I ask why? Why are we so afraid to show emotions? Why must we walk around life as if we are walking on egg shells? I would understand if this showing of emotion would create harm in anyway. For instance, If I decided to beat up on every person in my path, or destroy other people’s property. But taking this emotion and turning it into positive actions, can’t be all that bad? At least I have learned to redirect my feelings and actions into something positive and constructive. Not everyone may agree with me, but I know I have done more good than harm.

I advocate, rant and rave on many message boards. I will leave my signature in any type of forum. I strongly believe, that if you want to change the world, you have to be an active participant. So I use the internet, media, and print to my advantage. I express how I feel through words, when I see someone or a group of individuals that are preaching the wrong message, for instance the religious extremists, who try to make me or others like me feel like we are not worthy of God’s love, and will burn in hell. It’s all a matter of opinion and subjective reasoning. I will tell them what I think and try to set them straight. Who died and made them boss? Don’t they understand not everyone believes in God? There are many atheists in the world, or people who choose to believe in a deity that is none judgmental. But oh no, I don’t have a say, right away, they say I am angry and I have issues. They love to dish it out, but just can’t take it.

I make no excuses for who I am. I know where my heart is, and what I am all about. Yes I am intense, quite aware of it. But when life gives you lemons you quickly learn to make lemonade. I just make mine full octane and with a lot of punch. So for those who love me, I hope it only gets stronger, and for those who hate me, I hope you have fun doing it.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

transsexual is a word

Transsexuals is a word, just like any other word. Used to describe a group of people who are prosecuted and discriminated against because they are different. Language is necessary, yet so damaging and responsible for separating people while creating hate.

Lets try to understand the word and what it means. Why does it cause such turmoil with people and the religious fundamentalist? I would safely say, because the word sexual is in it. We have this fear of sex, this love hate relationship that creates mixed up feeling amongst us all. Guilt, fear, pleasure, curiosity, hate, and overall repulsiveness with those that engage in a different variation of what we think sex should be.

Have we really thought this out? If there was no sex, there would be no you and me. If this was such a condemned action, why is it so pleasurable and like hunger, why do we crave it so? The religious have tried to make it seem like the act of the devil. Only giving it their blessing when it’s between a man and a woman who are married and planning to conceive. Well there goes half the population. These laws they claim, come from their bible. A book that has been written by man for man. A book that contradicts itself in many fashions, so much so, that if there is only one God, why so many religions? Do you actually know why priest’s are not allowed to marry or engage in sex? It has absolutely nothing to do with God. Back in ancient times, the priest were airs of fortunes which were passed on to the church. Well if they married, that fortune would go to their wives and kids. The Church could not have this, so hence the laws changed not to allow the priest to marry, or to have sex. The bible is so full of riddles and can be interpreted in many ways, I wonder why?

Our maker has no intentions on punishing us for our innate actions such as sex, or identifying as the opposite sex from our true gender. Feelings such as being cold, tired, sleepy, angry, happy, and horny are all instinctive and normal feelings. Sex can be a wonderful experience, and as long as it is between two consenting adults, than I see no reason for it to be wrong.

But now, lets really study the word Transsexual. Trans meaning to go from one place to another, as transcending or transport. Sexual, in the case it was used when we were named, meant sexual organs, such as our genitals. So we are individuals who are transforming or transcending from our old sexual organs to our rightful organs, to match our gender.

So really there is absolutely nothing to be afraid of. We are not a fad, a lifestyle, a choice, a kinky act, nor a new sexual identity. We are individuals created by our maker who have been blessed to be two spirited and possess the most wonderful of traits.

On another note, enjoy life, stop living in fear, and do not let guilt or the bible stop you from being a happy soul. That’s what those old gizzards in the old days wanted to do, to stop people from having fun, since they were too old to have any. There is nothing wrong with sex, your body, and feeling good about yourself. As long as its mutual, and you are over 18, then by all means, enjoy one of the few pleasures our maker gave us. But remember be safe, responsible and always use protection.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Female to Male Transsexuals who are we?


Although I cannot speak for all of us, I can however, share my life and experiences, that may help others understand what makes me who I am. I can bring to the table the things that I have gone through as a female transcending into a man. Most of us feel, we were never females, just incased unjustly in the wrong vessel. My thoughts though, that with the vessel came a surge of hormones that created certain characteristics, although well challenged, yet gave us the label of being female.

The dreaded period, with its awful syndrome, you know the one. The tears, the anger, the extra water weight, the curves, the infamous two, that hurt and swelled. The ones we bind and hid so well. Although now distant, and gladly so. It was my torment so long ago. Now lets move forward, to happier times, when therapy meant hope and we saw a light at the end of the tunnel. Remember the time we couldn’t wait for that script, that piece of paper, that said we can now go on testosterone. Although, I was scared, needles were never my thing, I knew that things were soon to change.

How did I feel, like most of us I am sure, that for once in our life, the right serum would flow through our veins. I don’t know if it was all in my head, but that first shot felt incredible though. I felt alive, so strong and real, heck, I don’t know I just like the way it feels. When I run low, cause its time for my weekly dose, my body knows, as if its afraid that it wont get anymore. Its my life line, it validates me, to me it’s the difference between male and female. Now, it was not all fun and games, our bodies had to get use to this new juice. The acne, the voice change, the anger spurts, the growing pains, that sometimes really hurt. But then, there was the beginning of new hair, the little fuzz at first, which matured into a full growth. I became a bear, but loss the ones upstairs. Oh well can’t have it all, I did however enjoy the growth of Pete down below. Talking about Pete, he became an active young man, always wanting to come out and play, I was so horny, night and day.

What I found interesting through out my change, was my thought process was not the same. I no longer cried at a drop of a hat, nor had the urge to talk so much as I did in the past. I became a thinker now instead, and get annoyed when my wife talks off my head. My orgasms have definitely change, there are more powerful now and make me tired at the end. I find myself falling asleep, and the need to cuddle is no longer there. I don’t like to ask for directions anymore, and my pride is wider than before. I feel the need to protect what’s mine, and have a shorter fuse most of the time. I don’t fuss in front of the mirror, and like my space much more than before. My fears I will now share with all of you, being pegged or outed at first, did I pass or will they know, yet the restroom was the place of horror, well heck you all know. I held the urge for hours on end, till I couldn’t hold it anymore, and decided to enter the danger zone.

I am still amazed how females interact with men, their coyness, their flirtatious ways, enlighten me and make me crazed. There is a common bond between us guys, a look, a nod to acknowledge our existence of mankind. As I mentioned earlier on, I cant speak for all of us guys, but this has been my journey, my change, my time. Now lets open the table of discussion in this room and share your struggles your joys and your experiences, for our wonderful sister, our girls, the ones we can’t live without, or can we, who knows.

Friday, January 19, 2007

Gender identity Crisis/ Dr. Phill screw up

I was insulted by Dr. Phills show and his lack of knowledge and compassion. So I wrote him an email:

Dr. Phill

I was highly disappointed at your Gender Identity Crisis show. I am a Transsexual male who has been on many TV appearances, ranging from The spanish Oprah: The Cristina Show, to the Montell William Show. I have educated the producers on the subject and they have been able to put together a well presented and educational show. Yours was a circus act and lacking many components. With all due respect I espected something of a higher caliber from you, Dr. Phil.

First and foremost, you know absolutely nothing of the issue, and it was apparent. The backwoods individuals that you placed on your panel did more harm than good, for the education on the matter, and demonstrated bigotry at its best.

Gender Identity disorder, is a biological condition. Pyscology has absolutely nothing to do with it. Except of coarse the damage done to us by the intolerant and uneducated folks that condem us. You are a doctor, I expect more from you.

I would be more than happy to have you consult with me on the issue, and make things right. Put on a show that will make you shine and educate our backwards society.

Religion has nothing to do with this matter, and as delusional as they are believing in a diety which they cannot hear or see, gives them no right to judge or call the shots on what they think is right or wrong. However, the science and the latest scientific evidence are as clear as day. Proving the transsexuality is a biological condition, a variation of nature, and I my friend can give you all this information and more.

There are too many hate crimes and suicide all a buy product of hate. You helped light a greater fire on that hatred. Shame on you, now its up to you to make it right.


Mark Angelo Cummings
Transman on a Mission