Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Female to Male Transsexuals who are we?




FTM’s
WHO ARE WE?


Although I cannot speak for all of us, I can however, share my life and experiences, that may help others understand what makes me who I am. I can bring to the table the things that I have gone through as a female transcending into a man. Most of us feel, we were never females, just incased unjustly in the wrong vessel. My thoughts though, that with the vessel came a surge of hormones that created certain characteristics, although well challenged, yet gave us the label of being female.

The dreaded period, with its awful syndrome, you know the one. The tears, the anger, the extra water weight, the curves, the infamous two, that hurt and swelled. The ones we bind and hid so well. Although now distant, and gladly so. It was my torment so long ago. Now lets move forward, to happier times, when therapy meant hope and we saw a light at the end of the tunnel. Remember the time we couldn’t wait for that script, that piece of paper, that said we can now go on testosterone. Although, I was scared, needles were never my thing, I knew that things were soon to change.

How did I feel, like most of us I am sure, that for once in our life, the right serum would flow through our veins. I don’t know if it was all in my head, but that first shot felt incredible though. I felt alive, so strong and real, heck, I don’t know I just like the way it feels. When I run low, cause its time for my weekly dose, my body knows, as if its afraid that it wont get anymore. Its my life line, it validates me, to me it’s the difference between male and female. Now, it was not all fun and games, our bodies had to get use to this new juice. The acne, the voice change, the anger spurts, the growing pains, that sometimes really hurt. But then, there was the beginning of new hair, the little fuzz at first, which matured into a full growth. I became a bear, but loss the ones upstairs. Oh well can’t have it all, I did however enjoy the growth of Pete down below. Talking about Pete, he became an active young man, always wanting to come out and play, I was so horny, night and day.

What I found interesting through out my change, was my thought process was not the same. I no longer cried at a drop of a hat, nor had the urge to talk so much as I did in the past. I became a thinker now instead, and get annoyed when my wife talks off my head. My orgasms have definitely change, there are more powerful now and make me tired at the end. I find myself falling asleep, and the need to cuddle is no longer there. I don’t like to ask for directions anymore, and my pride is wider than before. I feel the need to protect what’s mine, and have a shorter fuse most of the time. I don’t fuss in front of the mirror, and like my space much more than before. My fears I will now share with all of you, being pegged or outed at first, did I pass or will they know, yet the restroom was the place of horror, well heck you all know. I held the urge for hours on end, till I couldn’t hold it anymore, and decided to enter the danger zone.

I am still amazed how females interact with men, their coyness, their flirtatious ways, enlighten me and make me crazed. There is a common bond between us guys, a look, a nod to acknowledge our existence of mankind. As I mentioned earlier on, I cant speak for all of us guys, but this has been my journey, my change, my time. Now lets open the table of discussion in this room and share your struggles your joys and your experiences, for our wonderful sister, our girls, the ones we can’t live without, or can we, who knows.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm female and never DID "cry at the drop of a hat," dumba$s! And I don't need "testosterone" to make "confortable in my own skin," either. Remember: the brave dare to change the WORLD, not THEMSELVES!!! I 29 and would much rather be a WHOLE WOMAN than a counterfeit "male" and wouldn't date one if "he" were the last person on Earth!!!

Non-T Female said...

I am 100% female and never DID "cry at the drop of a hat," dumba$s! And I don't need "testosterone" to make "confortable in my own skin," either. Remember: the brave dare to change the WORLD, not THEMSELVES!!! I am a 29-year-old virgin who has never touched testosterone because I would much rather be a WHOLE WOMAN than a counterfeit "male" and wouldn't date one if "he" were the last person on Earth!!!

Anti-Testosterone Lesbian Female said...

I am 100% female and never DID "cry at the drop of a hat," dumba$s! And I don't need "testosterone" to feel "confortable in my own skin," either. Remember: the brave dare to change the WORLD, not THEMSELVES!!! I am a 29-year-old virgin who has never touched testosterone because I would much rather be a WHOLE WOMAN than a counterfeit "male" and wouldn't date one if "he" were the last person on Earth!!! We need more STRONG, BUTCH WOMEN, not hormone-created "men!"

Strong Butch Lesbian (anti-testosterone) said...

I am 100% female and never DID "cry at the drop of a hat," dumba$s! And I don't need "testosterone" to feel "comfortable in my own skin," either. Remember: the brave dare to change the WORLD, not THEMSELVES!!! I am a 29-year-old virgin who has never touched testosterone because I would much rather be a WHOLE WOMAN than a counterfeit "male" and wouldn't date one if "he" were the last person on Earth!!! We need more STRONG, BUTCH WOMEN, not hormone-created "men!"

Mark Angelo Cummings said...

I am so glad you are 100% female, and I am a transperson and so glad to be one. I live my life in both worlds amd i forgive you and love you.

Mark Angelo Cummings said...

I have live my life and I am very happy, all I wish is that you live your life to the fullest without worrying or focusing on any body elses life. You have a beautiful path before you, please take the first step and you will see how beautiful it will be. Take each step with peace and love in your heart, don't concern yourself with how other people have taken their step. All steps are unique and perfectly fitted for every individual. It was not my intention to make you unhappy. Please understand this I wish you the best.

Jessica Lynn Cummings said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jessica Lynn Cummings said...

Anonymous, Non-T Female, Anti-Testosterone lesbian, and strong butch lesbian or whatever your name is. It seems to me that you are very confused and hating life case and point you cant even pick a name LMAO!!!! But on another note you are very bigoted in your comments merely because you look at Mark and he is in reality everything you want to be but unfortunately you are weak and unable to be what and who you want to be so you feel you must bash someone else to make yourself feel better. I must say quite sad in my book. You should learn how to turn that envy you hold on to for him and others and turn the hate into love you will then see that you too can be happy. Live and let live you are obviously a hyper masculine lesbian and that is fine you don't see a need to change your body and that is wonderful that is the building blocks for a two-spirited individual and kudos to you. Think back before you came out and told everyone you wanted to be with women think back to the reactions you received from so called normal people just because you felt you could only love another woman. How did it feel when you were out in public and kissed that special girl in your life and people ridiculed, pointed, and snickered in disgust. Here you are today doing the same exact thing they did to you. Do you see any irony here??? I bet you do!!! I am Jessica a Male to Female transsexual. Yes I have changed my body to match that of who I am inside. You may see me as a scared gay individual afraid to be gay. That changing my gender is a way to justify and discount the fact I am gay. I can tell you I am far from gay never have been and never will be. I have a lot of gay friends and love them to death I do not judge them as they dont judge me. I know who I am do you know who you are??? I was exactly like you my heart was filled with anger,hate, and rage it wasn't until I turned those things into understanding, love, and light that my life began to change and now know what the real meaning of happiness is. I really hope you find your way and start to accept others for who they are as people have done for you.