Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Female to Male Transsexuals who are we?
WHO ARE WE?
Although I cannot speak for all of us, I can however, share my life and experiences, that may help others understand what makes me who I am. I can bring to the table the things that I have gone through as a female transcending into a man. Most of us feel, we were never females, just incased unjustly in the wrong vessel. My thoughts though, that with the vessel came a surge of hormones that created certain characteristics, although well challenged, yet gave us the label of being female.
The dreaded period, with its awful syndrome, you know the one. The tears, the anger, the extra water weight, the curves, the infamous two, that hurt and swelled. The ones we bind and hid so well. Although now distant, and gladly so. It was my torment so long ago. Now lets move forward, to happier times, when therapy meant hope and we saw a light at the end of the tunnel. Remember the time we couldn’t wait for that script, that piece of paper, that said we can now go on testosterone. Although, I was scared, needles were never my thing, I knew that things were soon to change.
How did I feel, like most of us I am sure, that for once in our life, the right serum would flow through our veins. I don’t know if it was all in my head, but that first shot felt incredible though. I felt alive, so strong and real, heck, I don’t know I just like the way it feels. When I run low, cause its time for my weekly dose, my body knows, as if its afraid that it wont get anymore. Its my life line, it validates me, to me it’s the difference between male and female. Now, it was not all fun and games, our bodies had to get use to this new juice. The acne, the voice change, the anger spurts, the growing pains, that sometimes really hurt. But then, there was the beginning of new hair, the little fuzz at first, which matured into a full growth. I became a bear, but loss the ones upstairs. Oh well can’t have it all, I did however enjoy the growth of Pete down below. Talking about Pete, he became an active young man, always wanting to come out and play, I was so horny, night and day.
What I found interesting through out my change, was my thought process was not the same. I no longer cried at a drop of a hat, nor had the urge to talk so much as I did in the past. I became a thinker now instead, and get annoyed when my wife talks off my head. My orgasms have definitely change, there are more powerful now and make me tired at the end. I find myself falling asleep, and the need to cuddle is no longer there. I don’t like to ask for directions anymore, and my pride is wider than before. I feel the need to protect what’s mine, and have a shorter fuse most of the time. I don’t fuss in front of the mirror, and like my space much more than before. My fears I will now share with all of you, being pegged or outed at first, did I pass or will they know, yet the restroom was the place of horror, well heck you all know. I held the urge for hours on end, till I couldn’t hold it anymore, and decided to enter the danger zone.
I am still amazed how females interact with men, their coyness, their flirtatious ways, enlighten me and make me crazed. There is a common bond between us guys, a look, a nod to acknowledge our existence of mankind. As I mentioned earlier on, I cant speak for all of us guys, but this has been my journey, my change, my time. Now lets open the table of discussion in this room and share your struggles your joys and your experiences, for our wonderful sister, our girls, the ones we can’t live without, or can we, who knows.