Tuesday, June 09, 2015

What Does De Transitioning Mean To Me?



From the moment we sailed out to advocate against dangerous blockers for Children, we have been asked if we were going to de transition? At the time it seemed like the right thing to do so we could provide a strong message, however, who was I kidding? After 12 years of being on hormones, my changes are permanent, I have no ovaries therefore I can't produce my own hormones and to shift gear on this body is only placing my own health in danger. I noticed fatigue, I was losing weight very rapidly, had no sex drive and was starting to feel very depressed.  I looked in the mirror and was not happy with what I was seeing. Don't get me wrong, Maritza is alive and well in me, I am her and will forever be. I will always stand up for my sisters and help fight their battle, I am woman, here me roar, yet I am also Mark and I can't erase neither one of them, nor do I want to. I have created who I am today, not taking away from anyone or anything. I refuse to wear the label Trans, since many in this community have been mocking me and hurting me for being a different voice. In spite of it all, I still have trans identifying friends who have stock with us, and we love them dearly. Just because we have a different view, doesn't mean we can't be friends.


We never meant to hurt anyone, yet the attacks and counter attacks were flaring at speed. Anger and hate solves nothing. We still believe strongly in our views, but choose to go about things a different way. We want to be happy and continue to love one another as we do, and can't focus on the haters. Any way, it is sad that there is little to no information on de transitioning, and we still want to bring focus on this to help those who can return to their old self. Knowledge is golden and how can we learn if we don't question ourselves?




8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Welcome back, Mark.

MC Kali said...

This is really beautiful, and well said. The rise of the infinite Crone Maritza can and will take various forms. The Haters don't deserve your attention - the Children so indeed.

Thank you for being vulnerable and taking risks of your ego out in digital culture. May all who have a heart left beating hear your roar and be healed.

Mark Angelo Cummings said...

Thank you MC for your support and acknowledgment.

Mark Angelo Cummings said...

Thank you Anonymous, I have always been here, just taking on different forms and learning self as I grow.

Anonymous said...

But if you didn't have a hysterectomy, at your current age your body wouldn't really be producing estrogen. You would be menopausal or postmenopausal and dealing with similar things.

Mark Angelo Cummings said...

I have no ovaries, so no I do not produce any estrogen. I am currently using macca powder, but might think about taking a small dose of either estrogen or testosterone just for my health.

Anonymous said...

I understand that you don't have ovaries, but at your age you'd be post menopausal. If you had your ovaries you wouldn't be producing estrogen or would be producing very little estrogen. If you haven't yet, you might want to see a doctor about this stuff. Osteoporosis is no joke.

Mark Angelo Cummings said...

I went off T for 13 months around 5 years ago, had blood work and was doing great, I am a bit older now, and definitely feel more fatigue without any hormones, I am looking into natural choices, plus I exercise which keeps my bones very healthy.