Saturday, November 28, 2015

Turning The Pages: Welcome Back

Just as the moment of death when your life flashes before you, I feel that's where I am at, at this moment in time.  I transitioned in 2003, had quite the journey and paved my path, yet,  In the end, I found out that what I did solved absolutely nothing. I am no more a man today than I was Dec 23 2003 when I underwent a 7 hour procedure that consisted of a double mastectomy, laparoscopy induced radical hysterectomy and oophorectomy. I mutilated myself as many do in the quest of "changing" their sex.  Now I look back and think "what was I thinking"?    I became bald, hairy, scared and maimed, but a man, I am not. I know many in the trans community think they can magically change who they are by undergoing these procedures and taking dangerous hormones, but if they closely examined this, they would soon find out, that they are wrong.  How many women under go radical hysterectomies and mastectomy's due to cancer or other health issues? They are still women, not men. How many genetically born females have excess androgen and suffer from all sorts of  hormonal imbalances, having a deeper voice, hair in places they don't want, and lose the hair on their heads, many. Yet, they are still women.

My siblings and I

How many men are born with an extreme feminine personalities, love everything nice and pink, yet, are men. Yes that's right folks, this latest notion that we can change our bodies to become something else, does not make us that something else we wish to be.  We are only making fools of ourselves and the medical community lots of money. Save your money, and spend your time helping others, get out of your head and self for a minute, and realize that your gender dysphoria is not the most important thing in this world.

Mom and I

Now, lets talk a little bit about my de transitioning and this blog. I hope to be able to bring some awareness to this matter, and dive deep, deeper than most have ever cared to dive into. I did what I did back in 2003, because I believed that this fantasy was possible. But when the years passed, I realize that this was just another impulse driven by my need to belong and feel "normal"  Boy was I wrong, I have felt less normal since my transition and there was never a day, I didtn think of myself as an imposter, and oh yes a freak. I would look in the mirror and see the scars and my excessively hair body and bald head, and at times I just wanted to scream. I,  being Maritza, the real person in this body, who had to step aside for this destructive individual who ruined everything Maritza worked so hard to build. You think you are being true to yourself, but like an episode or a scene from invasion of the body snatcher, your new creation is slowly destroying everything you ever where, created or loved.

So now its time to turn the page, and start a new chapter, or maybe even a book. Maritza is back and will no longer allow this fabrication called Mark to continue to ruin her life. So I say to you old friend, I know you meant well, and in a sense was created to protect Maritza from all the bad things men have done in her life. I know your heart was in the right place, but I am sorry to say, your time is up, and you can now leave us alone and in peace. Your destruction will forever leave scars in our lives, but the time for healing is now. So goodbye Mark and welcome back Maritza, you have a life ahead of you and lots of healing to do.

Dad and I

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