Monday, December 07, 2015

The Mountain Climb

13 years of living in a body I created, a persona that was brought to life by me is now being demolished, thankfully due to self awareness and growth. My life the past 13 years has had a lot of ups and downs, good days and bad and overall quite the theatrical production. I have advocated, educated, married, fallen in and out of love, gain weight, loss weight, bought and sold houses, traveled, hurt, been hurt, cried, laughed, fallen in and out of depression, felt the need to commit suicide (not ever because of gender dysphoria, but having the tendencies due to the neurological impairment I face), wanted to live and so on. There has not been one single emotion I have not felt through out these 13 years living as your typical alpha male who was given a successful business by the true me, Maritza, but managed to give it away and lost it all.
What I am trying to get here is that gender dysphoria is not the basis for our problems and it is actually a false notion that many of us who are dealing with so many deeper issues are holding on to.  After these 13 years of not only living as a trans man, but living with and dealing with hundred of individuals in this community, I can safely say, we have a neurological issue based on childhood trauma and events, that carved our neurological system to function inappropriately and making us think we were born in the "wrong body". Honestly, if you are a trans person do some soul searching, look back at your childhood and see what you had to face. Many say everything was due to being born in the wrong body and being ridiculed, I say it was the lack of acceptance of self and lack of strength for not allowing yourself to be who you are, and instead created the character that allowed you to run away. The boy that imagined he was a girl, the girl that imagine she was a boy, it was cooler to live that fantasy, the typical personality disorder scenario.
Our brain has lots of plasticity and it creates all of its paradigms, fears, addictions, and mental health problems based on our environment, altering its DNA, healthy tissue production and normal synapses. We have become diseased by our environment which has changed our normal thinking patterns and behavior. We need to heal, not alter our bodies or take on dangerous hormones, we need to address our childhood issues and learn to recreate a safer world to live in. It is up to us, enough of blaming everyone else around us. Our parents did the best they could with the knowledge they had. I think that there should be classes provided for future parents on how to raise children, religion needs to calm down and stop shoving their dogma down people's throats and be kinder with their message. I believe that if we nip this problem in the bud early on, there will not be anymore of this crazy transgenderism in our planet, and people will learn to be healthy normal adults.
I really want to bring awareness to our human condition and diseases, we learn as we go along and can really help one another. I want people to realize that they don't need to hurt themselves to be happy, on the contrary the more you do the unhappier you will be. Learn to find your inner truth, work on that, and leave your outside self alone, it is only an illusion that you are creating which will fall down like a house of cards.

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