Friday, December 02, 2016

The Inevitable Reality

Friday, October 28, 2016


We took a few days away from social media, did not have a show this week and decided to take some time to reflect on our life and changes, after all, it has been one heck of a ride since the day Paul entered my life on that cold winter day, in El Paso Texas, in the ICU ward, January 1, 2015. We have been through so much ever since, trying to make sense of our life, changes,  and where we fit in the scheme of things, and yes bringing God into our lives.  Paul and I are very intense people, passionate, all or nothing kind of people, motivated by impulse and tend to be a bit dramatic in our actions. We are definitely made for each other in every sense of the word. 

During this reflection period, we came to the conclusion that the type of woman that I am is definitely not your typical feminine or docile female, I am alpha, masculine, opinionated, rough around the edges, yet kind, loving, nurturing, caring and with one big heart that belongs to my Paul, and God of course. I have never been one to fit into society, nor have I ever been a follower, I am a leader, strong, bullheaded and passionate, very passionate. I have come to accept who I am, I have no need to keep running or pretend to be something I am not. I Maritza Lopez, am quite the individual with some battle scars to show the wars I have engaged in. I am bald, have facial and body hair, a deep voice, strong mannerisms and an overall strong presence. I love to lift weights, eat healthy, write songs, cook, create and love. I am a teacher, a student, a wife, yes I take on the role of husband from time to time, I have had to adapt to my man, and my man is oh so special. He is sensitive, kind, loving, a little boy who still needs to be held, told he is beautiful as well as handsome, since when is it wrong for men to be beautiful or a woman to be handsome? Why must we create these stereotypes that lead people to engage in activities that will hurt them, confuse them and create further problems? We are all made to specs by God, who are we to question his creation. I believe there is someone for everyone out there. God made Paul for me, and I for Paul. We fit, we work and who dares say that who we are is wrong? We are a redeemed couple who at one point thought God made us wrong that we had to alter our bodies to be something we were not, we now know who we are, and let me tell you, what a relief it is, I for the first time in my life, feel free and life makes sense.

Paul and I are so excited about our life and so very grateful to God for helping us sort things out. In all of this reflection period,  I did some research regarding women who are born with endocrinological problems and found so many interesting things. There are women who live with beards since puberty, after failure to remove the relentless hairs from face and body they learn to embrace who they are.

Our ministery is to help people accept who they are without altering their bodies or defaming the gender God gave them. We are here to help spread unconditional love and acceptance under God's laws, be like Jesus, showing compassion, love and understanding. Let us all be like Christ, who came here to rid heresy, not to condem those who deal with their own cross, let us help people come to Christ, not push them further away.

Till Next Time

Maritza Lopez

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Our Purpose His Plan

There are people that believe we are a random act of molecules and atoms colliding together, stemming from one giant explosion which leads us to evolve from fish to the advanced ape species we think we are. Yet, when really thinking about it, there is nothing random and coincidental about us. The way things in this world, including ourselves, operate on laws of uniformity and order, there is no other option but the known fact that we have a creator, a father that loves us beyond measure.  We know for a fact that the sun will rise and it will set, we know the laws of gravity keep us from floating into the atmosphere, and we also know the routine nature of everything on this planet that is set by the masterful creator we call God. Our existence is based on a programming of a higher design, not some erratic event that occurred out of chance. 
The same equivalent purpose God placed on everything on this planet, applies to us. We are part of his plan, we belong to him and live for his enjoyment, not ours. We have laws to follow which we have totally pissed on and ridiculed. We have attempted to create God in our image, and alter his commandments and set way of life. We think we know better than our own parent, no different than an unruly teen, who thinks they know it all and will defy their parents.  God is king, he gave us his son to help accomplish freedom from the sin that controls our every existence. 

Monday, October 17, 2016

Quench Your Thirst

There are times that we are thirsty and hungry, yet never seem to get either quenched. Have we wondered why we go from relationships to relationships, from dead-end jobs to a spree of materialistic hoarding, yet never seem to find what we are searching for? Well, here is my belief, if you find yourself in the same spot you were year after year, going from the latest gadget to the latest romance, exercise regimen, new fad diet, new religion and new "gender expression", then I suggest you check out the only true quencher, God. Yes, I know you've heard it all before from the "Jesus fanatics", the ones that have this amazingly happy expression and peace on their face, the true followers and believers of Christ, the ones with the Holy Spirit in them, you know the ones. But have you really investigated the matter, or are you so numb to the facts that the only way to find happiness is through him. Really, I am not kidding here, I have been everywhere, tried everything, except to give my heart to Christ, which I did a month ago, and let me tell you, my life has changed for the better sine then. 
Read The Rest

Monday, October 03, 2016

I remember thinking, when I underwent certain procedures to affirm, at the time what I thought was my "true" identity, (I had a bilateral mastectomy and full hysterectomy at the Cleveland Clinic in South Florida) how happy I was, as they removed the bandages from my chest, and I saw for the very first time, the scars where my breasts use to be and the recreated "man" crusted nipples and hoping they would not fall off after the resizing and recreation of them. My brain was trying to understand what just happened, and I was unconsciously preventing from going into shock, the already set in program of you will be happy after this is done, was battling the reality of the situation.  I smiled and thought, "yeah, I am now a man" so I thought. Rethinking this and in a sane/healthy state of mind I am now in, I ask, who makes us believe that a removal of the healthy breasts and reproductive organs make us men?  When in reality there are millions of women who undergo these procedures, not because they want to, but because they have to due to cancer or other illnesses, shameful, I know. 

Looking back now, and knowing what I know today, these types of procedures should be outlawed and doctors jailed who perform them. Unless you have breast cancer and this is going to save your life, bilateral mastectomy for an individual who alleges to have gender dysphoria should not be allowed to undergo such procedures. These are healthy parts, nothing wrong with them, it is our mental state in question, it is the individual who has the problem of low self-esteem, wanting to be something they are not and thinking that this will solve their problems, this is beyond ludicrous and insane. No surgical alterations should be allowed for individuals with any type of body dysmorphia, mental conditions (GD is a mental condition, I don't care how the trans advocates managed to have it questioned and removed) working through the real issues is the answer. It makes as much sense as cutting up your stomach and intestines to lose weight, this is the society we are living in. Health care is nothing about health and all about filling up big pharma and the medical community's pockets with dollars. The "professionals" who are in charge of making these decisions need to have their heads examined.

There is lots of work to be done for those of us who are in the process of de-transitioning, and there is no help provided by these organizations that are pushing the trans agenda, a class action lawsuit is definitely in order. Healing, getting all of our documentation changed, learning to adapt to a scared body, living without any form of hormones, especially those of us who have had a radical hysterectomy and refuse to go on synthetic estradiol that is harmful and uncharted for ex-transgender individuals, is not easy. The world is so focused on the transitioning process that those of us who are returning home seem invisible.  
Well on a positive note, I went to a female bathroom for the very first time yesterday, I had been using the gender neutral ones, or just holding it till I got home, but I felt really good about myself yesterday, it has been a little over  3 weeks since my de-transitioning,  and I finally went and used the women's bathroom at Church. I can't tell you the feeling of joy I felt, returning to the bathroom I belong in the one that was created for individuals born with XX chromosomes, the ones with a real vagina, and that would be me. It was the most natural stress-free feeling ever, the other, always felt false and deceitful.  I am so glad to own who I am, my true identity, the identity God gave me, I am a woman and can't ever be anything else. Yesterday at church the Pastor (I love this man, he speaks from his heart) talked about how our gender is eternal and we are born with it and transcend with it wherever we go, so for those of you in the trans community who think you can change this how wrong you are, and how tormented you will be for eternity until you accept what God gave you.
Although when I look in the mirror, I am still not quite happy with what I see, the hopes is that laser will remove the unwanted hair on my face and body, that the hair on my head will start to grow in, and that my skin will return to the skin I had (I know I am older, and that there will be some alterations from the beautiful 37-year-old I use to be before I started using androgens, but I will be thankful to feel complete as the woman I was meant to be.
How I am feeling since de-transitioning:
My appetite has decreased, my strength is going down, I find myself losing weight, loss of muscle mass, headaches began this morning, guess my hormonal levels are changing, the body is trying to adapt. I am trying to do this without using estradiol but will take it one day at a time. 
Emotionally I feel great, went shopping at the dollar store yesterday after church, and bought some more makeup, nail polish, and womanly smelling lotion. I am embracing the feminine in me, something I use to hate before. I feel like God is recreating me, healing me, and it feels wonderful. 
I am sure there is lots of work to be done, 13 years is no easy to erased in 3 weeks, I am for certain though that gender dysphoria and the trans mantra needs to be stopped dead in its tracks. People need to work on the real issues and that is a lack of self-love and acceptance. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your gender or body parts, it is your mental and emotional state that needs to be looked at. You need God in your heart, God heals everything. You may not see the results from your prayers right away, it takes time, have patience, but realize that when you start to develop a relationship with God, the void you once felt will disappear, he has your back and he loves you beyond words.  I am saddened by the lack of love for God or even belief in our creator. How can anyone not believe, how do we justify all of his wonderful design? Just look around you, everything has his fingerprints on it. 

Till Next Time
Maritza Lopez

Friday, September 30, 2016

Gender Dysphoria Is Mental

I am amazed at how money influences the perception of what is right or wrong, healthy or unhealthy and finally how it has become mainstream when it was once considered a Jerry Springer sideshow. What a few years and a few dollars can do for a movement that was seen mostly in back street alleys, where trans women would pay to get silicone injections, in lonely bedrooms, where men dressed to impress in front of a mirror, and women would enter drag king shows to let her male side out for the night. Fast forward a few years and there is Bruce Jenner the deliverer of this perversion as he tells women how to be women, and accepting an award of sorts for letting his freak out, I find this alarming and repulsive, to say the least. What you do in the privacy of your bedroom is your business and frankly, God will tend to you, but when you push it blatantly in front of everyone, I say it's time to stop.  I also say, we are now seeing the most horrific form of human mental decline that has ever been known to mankind.

We are seeing a full out anarchy, rebellion, and a freak show of the largest proportion that has been known to man. People are self-identifying, going to seek help from these so called professionals who have no idea with what they are dealing with. They are creating this as they go along, listening to these broken individuals, (I use to be one of them) dictate what they feel they should be and how they should be treated. There are zero objective tools to diagnose or identify this problem. A once Drag Queen, a homophobic homosexual, a fetish autogynephilic man, a lesbian who can't deal with who she is, and a confused set of teens and youngsters who find this whole gender swap exciting and convenient for their situation, while nothing points to real issues or a set of objective findings that can properly pinpoint the problem are the leaders of this movement?  I can tell you this, and I feel strongly and have the authority to speak on this, unbeknownst to those who say I don't, there is no such thing as being trans,  gender dysphoria or any real distress involved with gender, only people with real mental issue that have jumped into a trans-pool which are now trying to tell people how to feel, think and  how to deal with them. 

So what qualifies me to speak and say what I am saying? Well let me give you the short of it, I lived it for 13 years, advocated for it, taught about it in classrooms, led seminars, interviewed hundreds, got interviewed, written books, articles, have done research, lived with and married trans "women", pretty much my life has been devoted to these issues of the LGBT nature. I was a lesbian for 25 years, and I lived 13 as a trans man, I would think I have a few things to say. Let us not forget that when I transitioned, there was hardly any concrete information on the topic, people would come to me since I have a medical background with a huge part of it being in psychology and human behavior. So yes, I am not just  qualified, I am over qualified, to say the least. I know more than gender specialist than an endocrinologist, who by the way have no clue what and how to prescribe cross-sex hormones, the WPATH which is led by trans people and big pharma are creating the rules, with "pulling things out their ass", as their main form of resource. So people need to be leery and realize that this storm that has pulled in from the shore, is basically made of horse manure. It holds no ground and has no real science. The born in the wrong body propaganda, the manipulative tool of I will kill myself if you don't give me what I want, and the recruited mad scientists that are working to make this a reality, are just fictional characters and factors utilized by the crazies who are pushing this for their benefit.
So why has this happened you say, well let's blame the media, who by the way is full of LGBT executives, producers, money launders, political head with their own agenda and frankly a bunch of fetish freaks who want nothing more  than to convert your children into a bunch of sexual rats for their pleasure. They want to sterilize, hurt and confuse the young even more than they are themselves. It's time to stand up and speak up. I will not stay silent, I don't care who calls me what, homophobe, transphobe, religious nut, who cares. I am a woman of God, who by the way, has not  always been, but after years of living this corrupt LGBT lifestyle which lead me to a dead end, I learned that only through living life as we should, do we find peace and true love. I don't want to hear "you can't tell me what to do, or not everyone is like you" or "it didn't work for you", because we are all made up of the same thing, molecules, atoms, and protons, we all bleed when we get cut, and we all return to dust. What is right is right and what is wrong is wrong, I don't care what color skin you have, what size jeans you wear, or what your IQ is, we all have to follow laws, and the LGBT perversion has had way too much air play and its time for the season to end. GLAAD and its neo-nazi mentality bullying everyone that does not subscribe to their gay brand needs to shut it and realize that the world is tired of this gay perverted agenda. 

Anything that promotes drug, promiscuity, altering or hurting your body, trying to recruit or alter children for the benefit of fetishistic adults, needs to be shut down. Gender dysphoria is a massive mental and spiritual imbalance that needs to be seen for what it is. Why have compassion for people who are behaving badly, trying to change the moral fabric of this world and frankly are just dead wrong? Bodies are not meant to be changed to fulfill a sexual fetish, to score straight men, or to play  gender games.  These people are warped are in need of real help. These computer geeks, sci-fi seekers, dreamers, vanity filled puppets, with old wounds that are coming out in all the wrong way, will not dictate to the world how it should be run. It is time to put an end to this and expose it for what it is, one sick ordeal. Gender dysphoria is mental, and those who are promoting or accepting it, are just as mental as the ones who believe in it.

I challenge the media, to let other voices speak, what are you afraid of, if you feel so strongly about your motto, live and let live, why not let those of us who have lived it, and have the T-shirt, hats and cups to prove it, speak out against it, after all is that not what News really is, not just a one-sided report? 

I am not God, and I am not here to judge you, you will have your judgment day, what I am is a truth seeker and truth teller, who wants to inform the world of what is taking place. I have the right to do so, just as you feel you have the right to alter yourself, but when you are pushing this as if it's normal, and perverting the young, it's time to scream out of the top of our lungs. NO MORE......

Till Next Time

Maritza Lopez

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Attacks And Haters

If there is one thing I know for sure, when the native get restless, that means, that we are doing something right. When it comes to giving God all the credit and praise, and sharing our miraculous story, we will never shut up, you can count on that, we have through so much as a couple and see to many miracles from him to just remain silent.

We have been attacked from many communities in the past year as we learned our path, and the place we both felt we fit in this world. I like to say for those of you who are so certain of yours, congratulations, but wait a while and you will see what you thought was concrete,  will go crumbling down with the rain which softens and destroys it's base. If there is anything for certain in life, is change. As people evolve and grow, so do their beliefs.  If yours don't, you are the one with the problem, not us.

We have been ridiculed for believing in God, for changing our stances on the Trans agenda and on how feel regarding the LGB community. Our opinions are based on the rule of law, Gods law, one we now take very serious as Christians. If any of you knew me, I was not religious, in fact I use to fight against them, the reason, I did not feel worthy of Gods love and grace. Yet, when I pleaded him for help, he listened, and that my friends is all it took for me to realize that God is there, he is alive and on my side. God loves me, he never stopped loving me, it was the devil that lied to me, tears roll down my eyes as I am writing this, listening to Spanish praise music, while the Lord fills my heart with the Holy Spiritas I share my heart to the world. The beauty of it all is that you too can have his love, you just need to let him in. I promise you, that if you do, things will change, but you have to mean it, you have to want him, he will not push himself upon you.

Getting back to the haters, we now have Lesbians, radical feminists, trans people and trolls hating on our social media, even during our live shows.  We have experienced different level of hate, name calling and oh yes, attempts to throw us of our mission, Gods mission. 
We get private messages on our online transition radio show emails:
"Shame on you both! My name is Tia (Yes, my email address is a pun.) I am a lesbian radical feminist and a Dianic pagan. I remember when you both "dabbled" in radical feminism. I am completely outraged by what you are doing now. Modern gender theory has its problems, but the problems stem from patriarchal belief systems that push men and women into rigid, oppressive social roles.  Furthermore, you both have extremely sexist notions about what it means to be a "man" or "woman." I often dress like Maritza/Mark did during transition. It doesn't make me less female. Clothes are just clothes. Hair is just hair. It doesn't matter. Let people dress however they want to dress.  I know that you are probably "returning" to Christ for the $$$. It is truly pathetic.  You both are snakes that change sides whenever you think the you can make a buck off of it". 
As if we are making or have ever made any money for our shows, everything from the countless hours I spent promoting this community since the inception of Transition Radio TV 2012, where all cost came out of my pocket, including the hours I spent making the website, to our evolution of warning people against the heinous practice of transitioning minors, gender reassignment surgery and the concept that gender can be changed.
After the veils are removed one gets to see how ridiculous it all seems and sounds. I say when you are living in filth, you can't smell it or see it, but once you get clean, you look at those living in it in horror and discuss. God's plan was never meant to rewire your genetics, DNA and Chromosomes, you were born exactly as you are. You were not meant to alter your body.  
1 Corinthians  6:19 
Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own.
1 Corinthians  6:20 
for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.

Then we have Lesbians attacking every way possible, to the point they are becoming trolls and stalkers.
"Sherrie Larch said... These two used the trans community to get attention, they used radical feminists to get attention, they used lesbians and gay men to get attention, they used Facebook friends to get attention (including me) now they are using the religious right to get attention. 

Telling lesbians we need to have a good f@cking by a man for Jesus is completely disgusting and also supporting rape culture and corrective rape. Their channel is a disgusting homophobic shit fest for attention".
Understand this person has mental issues, well known for them, just google her name and the trail of madness speaks for itself. I also think she has had a thing for me, for awhile now, and is pissed off that I am now a man lover, lol. Oh and not to mention, she hates religion as most in the LGBT  community do, and then there are the ones that believe that God accepts them for who they are, and are in total denial of God's laws and rules, so they continue to live in sin, while attending Church and calling themselves Christians.
Imagine the shock and disbelief for those who knew me, to remotely understand that this once Lesbian, then trans man, alpha at that, has now returned to her female roots, and is now a woman of God, submissive to her husband and to the Lord. It may be tough to swallow for many, however if you know my past, and path, you would understand why. It was all empty before, I was searching, but never found truth until now. I had Failed relationships, drug and alcohol abuse, I was empty and broken, but now I know that God is alive, he is all loving and forgiving, he showed me grace and love and he is waiting for you to call upon him.
God saved my life, I now have no worries, I am free, I am grateful and at peace, something I never felt before, as I dealt with all that comes with the LGBT lifestyle, drugs, sex, self loathing, depression, anger, fear, guilt and lack of truth, it all stems from the devil and his lies to you, he promises you a world of fun, but it all comes with a price.  if you don't believe me, just look at those in this lifestyle, it speaks for itself. I should know I lived as a lesbian for 25 years and 13 as a trans man, I have been heavily involved in advocating for both communities, a community I can no longer support, for it failed me and its going against Gods will.
For those that claim that I used these communities, as many are writing on social media, the facts are that the community used me. They had no problem when I was the fierce advocate, promoting their cause, now that I see right through it, I all of a sudden have become their enemy. Well, guess what, we will not be silenced or bullied, as this LGBT agenda tries to force themselves as normal in every house hold via media and their propagandas, enough is enough, God wants you back and the devil will have to stand back.

Till Next Time

Maritza Lopez A Woman of God

Thursday, August 25, 2016

Who Are We Really?

New Blog Entry on Word Press

Friday, January 29, 2016

In The Dark

I remember when I was a small child, everything revolved around gender and stereotypes. I don't know if anyone else has these memories, but my mother made sure I knew I was a girl and focused on providing me with girl things. I was constantly told how wrong I was whenever I engaged in boy play, boy actions and or fought against girl things. I don't know why I did not gravitate towards girly things, but it was the core of my upbringing, the battle between mom and I lasted a life time and to this day, it still does. 
Even after I have detransitioned, my mom is not seeing the results that she would like to see fast enough. I can see the disapproval in her face and demeanor. I know she means well, and I am sure she meant well through out my life, but I believe her push for me to be the girl she gave birth to, actually led to wanting to be more masculine and fight my feminine essence. I find myself now being drawn to more feminine things and can't wait to be seen as a woman, have my long hair back, be able to wear more feminine attire and over all live the remaining years as a woman. 

I think society is at fault for all the confusion and judgment we all face due to our quirkiness. We should all be able to express, experiment and execute our self as we see fit without judgment or ridicule, including from our own parents.  Add religious dogma  to the mix, that plays on people emotions and fears when they do not fit the perfect little gender boxes, is enough to drive people to the opposite direction. If society was less stressed on peoples expression and accepted everyone for who they were, we would not see all the problems we are seeing today. 
I do see improvements, but we have a long way to go. People and their neurosis with what gender is or what sex is suppose to be are only creating internal battles in others which in turn affects everyone on this planet. I say take a chill pill and let people be already. Who cares if a trans person was born the opposite sex they identify as, is it any of your business? Your uterus won't fall off if a trans woman says she is a woman, don't worry they are not asking you for your ovaries to make them complete. No one is trying to take away your womanhood, there are no quotas on earth for the amount of woman allowed, so breath easy you are safe. There is enough room on this planet for trans women and women alike.

Stop playing the biology card, and start realizing there is more to life the sperm and ovum. Oh and for those who claim that I am standing by my "man", if you even knew me, you would know how much of a ball buster and strong headed individual I am. I have come to this completed 180 due to my own detransition, it has allowed me to feel compassion and have a full on understanding of a feeling of being a woman. You may not understand since you have never had to go through this whole cluster fuck of feelings and emotions, but I can tell you this, your nay saying and constant friction helps no one. You don't even know it but you are hurting women as well. There are many women who are born with lots of androgen, they too will be a victim of harassment in their own toilets. So please give it a break and get out of the darkness. Its 2016 we humans are evolving, you don't want to be seen or left to be a dinosaur.  

Life is too precious and our path very difficult to be a thorn in someone else's path. I love you but remember to love yourselves too



Thursday, January 28, 2016

She Is A Woman

humans and our limited ability to understand things beyond our human senses and comprehension, we tend to categorize people by that factors and characteristics we have been taught to use. We limit our world by words and concreteness which in fact only allows us to understand a very small portion of the world we live in. Our brains have not developed to their full capacity and our beliefs are still rather infantile and it shows by our behavior here on planet earth. 
One of the reasons I did a 180 on many of my views regarding trans issues, was the way my wife Lynna was being treated. First by the trans community when she started questioning things after her severe car accident, and recently by radical feminists. When Lynna was recuperating from her accident, she was doubting her self in many ways and  feared that she was not going to be able to continue her transition which led to many questions that were offensive to many in the trans community, with reasons of coarse, which then led to arguments amongst her once friends and followers. I quickly jumped in and defended her as her boyfriend at the time, and although I had lots to lose since I had a media outlet promoting the community, my only concern was Lynna and her health. We said and did many things that we are ashamed of now, and since then we have had a change of heart and  have apologized to a community we both love and respect dearly.
There seems to be an animosity from some radical feminist towards trans women, and when Lynna identified as a gender variant male, they were all in love with her and rallied behind us. But of coarse that was only because we were their darlings, saying what they wanted to hear. Now fast forward when Lynna and I have had a change of heart and wanted to start the New Year with a different tone and voice, a voice that will allow everyone to be who they are without judgment or hate. A voice of unconditional love for all. Well RF would not have it, and instead started challenging, bullying and attacking us for our new message of love.
I want to say to everyone reading this blog that I believe trans women are women, they are the most amazing women on earth. Although some are still learning their way around womanhood, they stumble, may still be in their teenage years, but don't think for one moment that the blossoming will not take place. Once they sort themselves out, own who they are, trans women will be Goddesses without a doubt. My Lynna is the most amazing Goddess around, sorry girls, but she is my queen, my life, my world and my every heart beat. Lynna is beautiful inside and out, she has changed my heart and taught me how to love, something I did not ever know how to do. So here I stand in front of the world and tell you Lynna is a woman, she is a woman because of her heart, her soul, her every essence screams female, and I feel sorry for those of you who cannot allow trans women to be the gender they say they are. Get to know and love one, and you too will quickly see the they are women. 

Lynna has actually taught me to be a women, she has brought Maritza back and now I will fight for her and her transgender sisters. There is room for us all, I am no more or no less of a woman than trans women are. They are amazingly beautiful and tender, they deserve the right to be. 

Love you all, please love yourselves too


Wednesday, January 27, 2016


Everything we ever experience in life stems from the need to grow. We are unaware at the time when the roof seems to be falling on our heads, that the situation which seems horrifying is actually a blessing send from above.  Our pain is our biggest teacher and the times of laughter a time to reflect from our past pain. We are here on this beautiful blue planet to grow, get rid of baggage and over all enjoy the moments provided from our loving creator whom we are connected to in more ways than we know. 
I am not religious in fact, I despise dogma, I feel religion was created to control us and keep us contained in stagnation, fear and confusion. I want to believe that every challenge we face in life, only makes us stronger and teaches us the lessons we are here to learn, making us better people, productive and well rounded in the end. If we don't learn the lesson the first time around, it will continue to show it's ugly head. Just look back at your life, the many times ran into the same situations, no coincidence there. 
Our life and body is like a canvas, there for us to create our masterpiece of life. Don't be afraid to face your demons, for the sooner you accept things, the quicker you learn your lessons and are able to move on. Treat your life like a major Hollywood production, with you and others being actors on a stage. Don't take things to heart or wear your feelings on your sleeves. The things you encounter or the treatment from others is really not just about you, but sometimes it's a collective project for others to learn while you are engaged in their dynamics. I have so much to be thankful for, my journey's and yes I have had many, they have taught me valuable lessons that I will forever hold dear in my heart. I am a better person for it, and now capable of loving beyond measures, something I did not know how to do before. 

Forgiveness is another important player in our lives, we need to start by forgiving ourselves, then others. This is the most freeing tool we can posses as humans. Just take a look at all of the forgiving moments you have had, have you passed the test or are you still holding on to that bag? Remember we are here to grow, to love and to let go. Live in the now, love with all of your might and I hope that you will understand your purpose here on earth, don't think we just come here to live and die, while suffering along the way. There is more to life, are you willing to grow and open up the door? I hope so.

Great Interview with a fellow Detransitioner 

Love you all, but love the heck out of yourself too

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Self Reflecting Bug

In reality when people fight against a particular cause or person, they are actually fighting the demons they deal with, within themselves on a daily basis.  My transition was all about hating parts of me that was made to feel undesirable and unwanted. The upbringing and stereotypical format we as women are use to contend with, leads us to become that which we hate, and run away from that which we are. I see all these movements waving a hate flag, making everyone the enemy and in reality doing much of nothing but endless void voices without action or real cause. 
I fought my femininity for the longest time and only wanting to feel my masculine parts that constitutes a part of me. I feel so much need now to embrace the sacred feminine in me. I want my long hair, my soft hairless skin, a body that moves swiftly and gingerly through this world. I want more than anything to feel that gentle nature that I fought hard to get rid off, because I didn't want to be hurt by others in the end. That fear only leads to hurt, not only self but others. We really do not need to battle, battles are destructive and in the end hurts not only your oppressors but yourself as well. 

Take time to reflect, to feel the pain, own it, understand it, then push it away. Forgive and forget, because just the mere memory is damaging. How many women live in fear of rape because they were once raped or molested, if you hold on to that, the damage will follow you for the rest of your life? Trust me freeing yourself from that is so powerful and healing. If you hold on to it, it will continue to harm you and others around you, you will not allow true love in your heart and will bring more of the same pain into your life.
Take the time to heal, be present and notice your every thought. Are you constantly angry? Are you always thinking someone is going to hurt you or that you are entitled? Let go of those thoughts free yourself from that prison. There is no one out to get you, the world is your oyster and everyone in life there to love and help you. Create this reality and watch your world change.

Woman are not a commodity for a political movement, women are part of humanity which has another component. We need each other to make this world go round and to make life happen. Men are just as important for the survival our species and are just as much of a victim as we are. Remember you can't wash one hand without another.  

Love you all, but love yourselves too

Monday, January 25, 2016

Happiness Is Yours

We all believe that we will be happy if  and when we obtain a certain materialistic good, achieve a certain look, or receive any of the worldly marker of success, be it a career or a relationship of choice.  But in the end as we go through life chasing our dreams to be "happy, happiness was already in you. Nothing you do or did was actually the precursor of that happiness. 
We join groups whether online or in person that have what we believe are the characteristics that we honor and believe in. But these groups are they really looking out for your best interest? Are they really what you believe in, or is it something that was placed there? It is important to grasp the knowledge of self, to understand you fully. Are you happy because you are, or because someone told you, you would be happy if you obtain these things in life? It's safe to say that many of you really are not aware of your deep needs, inner concepts of self and are just waving someone else's flag, instead of your own.
Most political platforms uses people and their emotions to promote their agendas. Be it religious dogma, a political party, or an idealistic organization promoting hate and separation. If you want to be happy, happiness will not be accomplished by following any of these paths which in the end do nothing more than create problems for the world.
If you want to be happy find your center, go out in nature, create and start a hobby. Help the less fortunate, get in the best shape of your life. Sing, dance and paint. Stop fighting the good fight, just be you and be happy. Never forget that the only way those that control the world win, is by dividing us all, if we unite we win and they lose.
Learn to love everyone and meet them where they are at, one day you might be facing the same hateful witch hunt by a group that thinks what you do  or say is wrong. Create your reality and world, and happiness will be yours for the taking.

Happiness is a mental or emotional state of well-being defined by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. A variety of biological, psychological, religious and philosophical approaches have striven to define happiness and identify its sources. ( Or is it?)
Love you all

Saturday, January 23, 2016

For Crying Out Load

For the past week or so, I feel like I have been invaded by the witches of Salem, no really, I have been labeled from everything like rapist apologists, women hater,  MRA and everything under the sun because I support my wife Lynna and the trans community. I was going through my own turmoil and fighting my own inner demons when I spoke against the community I fought hard and long for. But now that I have worked through all of my challenges, I can clearly see, and no longer wish to go against a community that I have loved for years.  My wife is transgender, I love her more than life itself. I owe no allegiance to anyone but her. I am sorry if people think I have made a complete 180 and feel forsaken, I cannot support your hate and lack of compassion for my wife and those like her. 
I have been getting slammed on all of my social media outlets, and have felt the heat from many who follow the radical feminist think tank. The group WOLF, who also have a page on face book called: we demand sex segregation safe women's spaces, have gone over board with screen shots and just trying to vilify Lynna and I for not agreeing with their mantra. We don't want to invade your spaces, the bathrooms are there for a purpose and that is to use them. Trans women have every right to use the bathroom that reflects their legal documentation, as you have every right to howl at the moon and run naked on your own private camps. There is room enough on this planet for everyone to co exist and live. Now grow up and learn to play in the sand box with others. In addition you don't have to date trans women if you don't want to, stop the paranoia and just lighten up already.
Lynna and I hate no one, we don't support harming women in any way, we do support equality for everyone, and the ability to allow humans to live as they feel best. If that makes us haters then by all means. But stop with the constant barrage and ridiculous allegations, and if you really wanted to do right by women, stop pushing your hate on the world.
Now to change the subject, since I am really over this whole rad fem fiasco, I wanted to say that I have noticed weight gain since stopping T, funny enough when I wanted to transition in May, the weight started to fall off real rapidly, this time the opposite is happening. My sex drive continues to drop, my over all health is good, no mood swings or fatigue, sleeping great and feeling really good. The headaches are less frequent if at all. Feeling good, loving returning to me, detransitioning was definitely the right thing for me to do. Goodbye Mark, hello Maritza, I can't wait to blossom into the great women that I know I can be. Will I be butch or will I be fem? Well, I think I will be a bit of both, no different than what I use to be back in the day.

Love you all

Friday, January 22, 2016

Love Is All That Matters

Finding self acceptance and understanding that the only constant in life is change may help us evolve and grow in our wisdom. There are many people in the world that are stuck in logistics believing that biology is the only true marker for sex and identity. I use to be one of those people till my detransitioning and awakening took place.  I am detransitioning not because I don't believe that sex is none negotiable, as I use to believe before, but instead because my female side is more powerful and I missed her so. I could have easily continued to live as Mark, I played him very well. But I miss Maritza's gentle smile, her strength of character which was stronger than Marks Alpha appearing nature. Maritza needed to heal and took a back seat, while Mark handled things for the 13 years of my trans experience. 
I believe transition has made me a better person, and I find that I am so much more complete now than ever before. I don't need to fight society or the system to prove who I am, I know now I am that I am. I have learn to love, something Maritza did not know how to do, not even Mark, but through my lived experience and the presence of my angel Lynna, my heart opened up and now all I can feel is love. Unconditional divine love. I  can now feel, when before I was closed and unexpressive. Lynna freed me, showed me how to love in ways I didn't think where possible.
I will fight for her and for all my trans brothers and sisters, dare anyone talk bad or not validate their truth, for I will speak up, I will prove how wrong the nay sayers are. They are simply scared and their fears are creating the divide. Biology is not as concrete as we may think it is, humans have not even began to scratch the surface of the brain, the heart and the soul. 
I still believe people need to be mindful that transition is what they truly want and need. There are lots of complications and concerns to be had. But please be free to be, be love, be present and most of all be kind. For in the end with all the material things we gather and all of the hatred we harbor, the only thing in life that really matters is love.

Love you all

Thursday, January 21, 2016

Please Explain

Ever since Lynna and I have decided to no longer be anti trans  and actually bring a positive light while maintaining a healthy education platform, we have then felt the wrath from the Radical Feminism cult. I have been told that Rad Fems are not about hate, separation and war against men, so please help me understand these quotes:
"All sex, even consensual sex between a married couple, is an act of violence perpetrated against a woman."
-- Catharine MacKinnon, Marxist, professor of law at the University of Michigan

"All men are rapists and that's all they are"
-- Marilyn French,The Women's Room (Percent of reported rape or near-rape incidents = .07% [FBI Uniform Crime Report list for 1996])

"Marriage as an institution developed from rape as a practice."
-- Andrea Dworkin, feminist author, lesbian activist, former prostitute

"Heterosexual intercourse is the pure, formalized expression of contempt for women's bodies."
-- Andrea Dworkin

"Under patriarchy, every woman's son is her potential betrayer and also the inevitable rapist or exploiter of another woman,"
-- Andrea Dworkin, Liberty, p.58

"Sex and murder are fused in the male consciousness, so that the one without the imminent possibility of the other is unthinkable and impossible."
-- Andrea Dworkin, Letters from a War Zone

"When a woman reaches orgasm with a man she is only collaborating with the patriarchal system, eroticizing her own oppression..."
-- Sheila Jeffreys, lesbian activist, professor of political science at the University of Melbourne, Australia

"It is not only men convicted of rape who believe that the only thing they did that was different from what men do all the time is get caught."
-- Catharine A. MacKinnon, Toward a Feminist Theory of the State, 1989, First Harvard University Press (a legal treatise comparing feminism with socialism and communism)
I personally am appalled by these words, and frankly ashamed. Thankfully I know that my being a woman is not tied to feminism in any way, in fact I want nothing to do with it.  I love men, I love women, I love trans individuals, gays and lesbians. I believe that ideology is destructive in all of its forms and needs to be eradicated like the cancer that it is. Men and women both have faults and virtues, no sex is better or more worthy than the other. They both need to learn to co exist and deal with age long hurt that has been passed from generation to generation. So please help me explain what does all this fighting solve?
I want to appeal to your human nature, those of you who are anti trans, who feel that biology is all that matters, think about this for one moment: genitals in a fetus is undifferentiated, meaning we have the possibility of being either or depending on the hormonal bathing.
There are various combinations and events that can go wrong during development, also let us not forget the spirit and personality of this child and person, that is more than just a penis or a vagina, a womb or sac. People are more than their chromosomes and DNA, they are humans with feelings, needs and intrinsic behaviors and personalities.
Why should we deny them their reality and happiness? Why must you build your political campaign around someone else's life and needs. Rise up from your judgment and personal opinion and try to be tolerant and accept that not everything in life is black or white, there are many shades of grey.

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Let Go

I am a true believer that diseases stem from inner turmoil created by our outer realities. Some people are as strict about their beliefs as a stiff rod, they in no way know how to sway like a palm tree. But like a palm tree that survives the brutal storm, the stiff rod will get pulled out of its roots and will loose their center and life source.  
Humans have been taught to follow dogma, read books and cling on to theories that in reality do not hold much water, books are written by humans, who we know can't be trusted with factual information, especially when an exchange of goods is the bottom line. We must live life with an open heart, realizing that the only constant in life is change, and change is the only constant. We can believe one thing one minute and another the next. No harm no foul, it's human nature. 
It's easy to grasp on to a cause that fits our hurt and lives situation, we see it all the time. Young men and women joining the military to fight for their country, and what are they really fighting for. Religious extremist, preaching the gospel and letting everyone know that the end is here, an end that seems to never get there, only in the minds of those that behave like the stiff rod. Women's and Men's activism is no different, they cling to beliefs, create scenarios to wage war and in the end, the cycle continues without an end or resolution in sight. Driven by dogma, individuals who have suffered and feel hurt, in turn this hurt makes them want to hurt others, sometime without realizing what they are doing. I am not trying to point fingers here or pit one group against another, although I have been accused of this, I just want people to realize that this endless cycle of hate needs to stop. Please let it go, come from a place of love, compassion, forgiveness and unity. We are all suffering here, every human has to deal with diseases, financial problems, growing old, a deteriorating planet and over all the battles we create in our heads.
Women are important yes, I get that. I am a woman too. But having lived in both genders has given me an insight that allows me to tear down all the wall we create and have compassion for both genders.  I can see that all we want is to feel safe, loved and seen. But in order for us to have all of that, we need to fortify this to ourselves and others. It takes work to heal, but you can't expect to heal if you are harboring ill feelings towards others. Just my two cents and humble opinion, you can fight me all you want and feel betrayed, but I am not betraying you, on the contrary, I am trying to bring a different outlook to the cause.
Forgiveness is an amazing tool, love you all but remember to love yourself too.