Thursday, January 07, 2016

Releasing The Battle

Well hello everyone, hope you enjoyed your holidays, I know we did, South Florida is an amazing place full of life and very green. Lynna and I spent an amazing two weeks with my family and getting reacquainted with our Caribbean roots. The amazing flavors of Cuban and Puerto Rican cuisine made our vacation even that more enjoyable.  The dynamics between my family and Lynna were very favorable and although I know my mother would much prefer Lynna to be fully male identified, they still made a connection that I am sure will grow as time goes by. My sister and her partner were the most gracious of hosts and made our stay there incredibly memorable. We made videos during the time there, some detransitioning ones and some as a couple.  
One of the things I learn during the past two weeks is the real pain Lynna is in and how she battles with gender and how society wishes her to be. I can be empathetic with her, since after all she is my heart and I love her beyond any measure, this love has allowed me to have more compassion for others and not just focus on my anger towards the trans community and the patriarchal system. In saying this my views are still the same, I am full on detransition mode, and I still believe that happiness is not found in an operating table or by taking hormones, but this conclusion is mine and mine alone, and I can't force my views on the trans community, it would make my plight no different than theirs as they try to force the world to see them. We have to see ourselves and realize this is a self journey and only self can be the catalyst for change.  I still feel that transition is not for everyone and that we should not facilitate the option to our youth, instead we should allow them to self express, to explore their identity and to give their bodies a fighting chance by going through puberty, its part of our human experience. 
My journey has allowed me to be grateful for having been born female, I can now appreciate who I am. My health is amazing considering I have no hormones flowing through my veins, only what my pituitary and adrenal glands are providing and I believe this will be enough to keep me healthy. I feel a sense of peace and although Lynna has been a challenge since my detransitioning, I figure it has had to be hard for her losing her Mark, the person she fell for when she headed to New Mexico. But I know deep in my heart that we will be just fine, our love is strong enough to deal with all this gender challenges and questioning of self. I hope to make mends with those I may have hurt during my retaliation phase when I felt a back lash from the trans community, I want peace for everyone and I realize that everyone is on a journey and I am no one to tell them how to travel their path. 
Here are some of the videos we made during our vacation :

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